Ten Tips for Saying NO!

Hey!

If you know me (which many of you may) you'll know that I'm the last person in the world who should be giving advice about saying 'no'! I'm possibly the best person at saying 'yes', even when I don't particularly want to. Probably adverse to your opinions, I AM learning... so here's my ten tips for saying 'no'.

Disclaimer: If you're a 'no' person... then don't read this. It can be equally bad if you struggle to say 'yes'. 'Yes' CAN actually be a good thing.

1. Just say it. How hard can it be? It's a two letter word, one syllable. The problem with 'no' is that it's a  strong word. "Oh here we go with the English lessons," you say, "this isn't what I clicked the link for." But it's true. Sometimes you just have to say it without thinking it through first. After countless embarrassing moments where my brain has hijacked my mouth, I'm a big believer in thinking things through before spurting stuff out... but for once in your life don't think. Just do it.

2. Don't apologise. I know, I know. I've never actually counted, but on estimate, I think I probably say sorry over a hundred times a day. And that wouldn't even be a bad day. I've literally had people threaten to do all kinds of things if I "say sorry one more time". Over-apologising is BAD! Don't do it! The natural reaction to saying 'no' is to follow it up with a sweet and sad 'I'm sorry!' ... but are you? If you're saying no to a friend or colleague because you have no time in your week, they're asking too much of you and you just can't commit to anything more without absolutely exploding... then it's ok! It's not your fault - and you don't need to be sorry.

3. Don't worry about what people will think of you. Honestly? I think this is the root of the problem for me. I'm far too concerned about what people think. Getting a bit deep here... but concerns about our personal portrayal of ourselves can be detrimental. Keeping up appearances is ok for a while - but when it comes to putting your foot down, if you're well within your rights - who cares what they think?  Well, I do. But I'm working on it!

4. Don't stress about it afterwards. Don't say 'no' and then stay awake for the rest of the night worrying that you've made a bad decision. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT! Be confident. "That's so cliché." I know. Be confident, be yourself... 'listen to your heart'. It's vomit-worthy but it's all somewhat true.

5. Be OK with it when people say no to you. This one is hard in itself... but if you expect people to be ok with it when you say 'no' to them, you need to be understanding when they say 'no' too. Enough said?

6. Sugar coat it. This can be good or bad... but it certainly makes saying 'no' easier. When I say sugar coat, I don't mean this:

"Nah, I can't give you a lift that's 45 minutes out of my way...  that's ridiculous. But I love you anyway."

I'm talking about context and compromise. Sure, maybe you can't drive 45 minutes out of your way. But maybe your place is closer to their's than the place you are now. "I'm heading home, so you can come with me and maybe someone can pick you up from there?" Everyone wins.

7. Use 'life' to your advantage. Again - not sure if this is a good one or a bad one, or if I even agree with it myself - but everyone's lives are hectic. It doesn't matter why, it doesn't matter what you've got on. If you're busy you're busy. "Life gets in the way."I don't mean that you should use life as an excuse for being busy whenever you want to be. "Sorry, I can't do that for you. Life's just SO crazy this week... I couldn't possibly factor you in." NO! Don't say this! Because chances are, your idea of 'busy' involves sitting at home scrolling through your YouTube subscriptions and friend-culling on Facebook. That doesn't count as busy. But if your life really is busy, you need time out. "This is the first chance I've had to have a minute to myself." YES! That's ok - and believe it or not, people will usually understand.

8. Don't let things get to you. This one might be similar to not stressing afterwards - but during the decision making process, don't let people throw you.

"I can't give you a lift tonight, sorry."
"Oh, that's ok. I don't have a way to get home though."
"Why didn't you ask me earlier?"
"Because I just figured you could do it."
"I can't, I'm sorry."
"Well how will I get home?"
"I don't know..."

If you're like me, you buckle anyway, because you love your friends like nothing else, and you'd never leave them somewhere alone. BUT... in a situation where it matters... hold your ground. Don't be manipulated!

9. Don't say nothing. Saying nothing often amounts to a 'yes'. It's like if you're throwing a party and you invite 50 people... only 4 RSVP'd, 2 said 'no' (don't be mad!) and you're expecting 48. If they weren't coming, they would have said 'no', right? Wrong. You can't always assume that people mean 'yes' when they don't respond, and similarly, you can't expect that it's a 'no' when you don't respond either. Don't be afraid to do one or the other. Just do something!

10. Only say 'no' to things you need to. Life's full of crazy opportunities and opportunities to help and serve other people. It's not wrong to say 'no', but it's also not wrong to say 'yes' (obviously depending on the situation!) Know your limits and know your schedule. It'll make it a lot easier.

Thanks for reading a slightly more serious ten tips. Feel free to comment and share!

Written for you by TenTipsToday :)